I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
