I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize