Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
