no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
