she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
