at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
