do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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