I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
