I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
