Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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