yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
