I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
