She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
