Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
