naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
