My liver just broke up with me...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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