I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
