It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i permit you to call me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
