the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize