well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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