The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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