and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
