thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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