His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
