You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
