You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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