never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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