I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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