I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
