He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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