so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
