I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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