Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize