U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
