if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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