Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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