I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
