I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
