Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
