I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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