So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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