It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You made out with two different species that night
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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