Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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