it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize