My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
