Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
