hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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