Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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