Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
