dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
