So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
