We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
