I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
