Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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