Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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