also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
