He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
