I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we're making bets on your personal life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
