so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
