i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
