My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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