Will you blow on my dice?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
