Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
