I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My dick has a subreddit
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