started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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