Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
