Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize