You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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