Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
