The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
