just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
