did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
