I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
