so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it's great music for shaving your balls
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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