My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
