Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
