this beer tastes like vomit already
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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