I am spending my child support on dildos
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
