I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
