"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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