your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
