How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
