if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I am spending my child support on dildos
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
