I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just pee around me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
