I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
