yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
